Can a perfect society exist? Is the existence of a flawless society of humans possible? Well, I ain't got any frikkin' ideah.

(A subtle change in format of posts (see bottom) from now on, about which, a regular reader like you, might not need to be notified.)

The Holiday Break has just begun and the festive mood still evades my presence. The buildings at the University are now closed for a two week break which means limited access and no heat.

Outside, as snow pours relentlessly with flakes dotting my vision, inside, I find desolate corridors, darkened hallways, closed offices, empty restrooms, dusty door knobs, silent seats which were all once occupied by my colleagues. There is a false assuring humming sound of the workstations that were left running by them in haste as they escaped to their holiday, partner, home or life.

I ask myself why I have not been able to make much progress on what I had decided last time, but I find no answer. J.M. Coetzee helped to heighten this guilt and regret. Perhaps it awoke a quenched fire? But what is there was no fire at all? Ah, I digress and talk of things that make no sense.

Point? I have to get things straight. I have to get a lot of things done in these few days. Once the new semester begins everything will be sucked out. And I will be sucked in a hole that has no end. There will be scope for nothing but misery. I don't know if Coetzee's book is doing this to me, but I often think that my dream job would be a clerk or an assistant at a remote library of some distant town where I am required to arrange books and their shelves in far away sections where nobody bothers to look or trespass except that of a rare young couple whose presence will not cause much interference to that clerk lost in centuries of literature.

I pray for health this Christmas so that my dentist and physiotherapist stopped ruining this break. Because I can't let days pass by like this. I just can't. I must find time.

I must write.


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Current Book: "Youth" by J.M. Coetzee
Current Music: "Never Say Never" by Justin Beiber ft. Jaden Smith. 

[Pictures BELOW]

Another weekly post but kinda late. Also, the context in here may be somewhat stale because the photos I am posting down are 1 month old. But the text is fresh and virgin.


Sorry for the abuse of the most famous word "Like" in today's Internet world. That's another story I don't use Facebook. Before I begin the rant, I have 2 lines to share with you, that came to my mind one evening when I was telling my friend that she should not pull her friends to like what she likes, she should rather make new friends in her liking.


You should not like people to like what you like,
You should like people who already like what you like!



I am finding more and more passionate people around me these days. This wasn't the case back home. Here, people are just crazy and devoted towards what THEY like. Not what others like them to like. Like, if they like to like something, they don't like or unlike if their likeness is alike. They just like.


They have passion. Passion, in their likable lives.


You get it? Refer Facebook's Like for deeper understanding of this word. Oh wait, perhaps you already know that. How much hours you spend there?


Anyway, where was I?


If they are passionate about football and like to play football, they will do that for their entire life. They really won't care if they can do math or understand science. Its about football silly. Why need Science?


If they love to ski or pedal in water, that becomes their passion. Below you will find the photos of my small trip to a nearby river on which a lot of people regularly come for spending an evening with their passions.


Point is, the passion. And, the variety too. Its not just about the Engineers and Doctors. Its about something much more than that. Its about passion. About liking. About love.


I might not need to remind you, but you or any sane person knows this very well, that anyone who did well in this world first loved his work and then became something. You got to like, love something. You to pursue something with a mindless and blind faith driven solely by passion. And then you can expect something.


My love is writing. And I am not able to devote as much time as much it is required to liken it to passion. Damn, hate that. So this post is a reminder to myself that I should stay passionate. So, I buckled up and sent in a story for a huge contest. Like it has 3-4k participants, I guess. There is hardly any chance of winning. I will post my story here in 2 months when I hear the results. But winning is not important right now. Participating IS. And that, I AM doing.


Yes, I am.

[Since the large pics screw up my blog template, I am pushing them down. Take a deep breath and scroll down]


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A passionate girl living her life (I watched her for long minutes doing stunts in the water)

A Passionate guy carrying his passion along...

The back of the river and dam.

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How about you? Do you have a passion in your life? What are you doing about it?

I am not in a very cheerful mood as I write this. This is a post out of stress, worry, fear and mostly regret.

I have this rule of mine (its not mine actually, it's a world famous saying kinda thing) that says "Do only 1 thing in your life and then expect success. You try to do a multitude of things and you will fail, miserably. All those great people are known for 1 field..."

Yes its more of a saying rather than a rule but I like to thrust this rule upon everyone I meet and try to tell them that it IS the secret of success. There is nothing simpler than focusing towards your one goal when it comes to mantras of success.

But the bloody irony of this is that I almost always fail to follow my own rule. I don't focus on my love. I do it though, in fact I give it my highest priority and highest amount of hours in a day. But then in the remaining time I am like, "Oh I should do this and that and this and that! And that too! That,  yes I am going to learn and experience of course after I get a time slot free in my schedule."

Because perhaps somewhere inside I am weak. And afraid. Like everyone else who can't focus on one thing and put all the eggs in one basket. Because we all, are afraid to take such a big risk. We can't afford to make this big an investment and are afraid, "What if even I do everything I can and still fail?" "What if it wasn't the thing for me?" "What if it doesn't work out?" "What if I don't have any plan B to switch back if all else fails?' 


"What if?"

And so I will make every day of my life a struggle. Every day I will try to put as much into as much I can find. I continue this for a few days. I kinda do well in some of the stuff. I feel happy. And then, suddenly it hits me. BAM. MY body gives away. My mind is never, ever ready to give it up. But my poor body does. It gives up of the torture I put through it. Of the sleep and rest I steal from it. Of the calmness and relaxation I never give it. I land in the bed, trying to figure out why don't I follow my own rules. . .

And the story repeats itself over and over and over again.

This is not the first time, I have got screwed up. I have got these medical conditions plenty of times in the past. I am a carrier of enough diseases already. And it seems if I go at this pace, I will keep on pouring flaws into my health till the pitcher is full and ready to burst.

But yeah, one another rule that I would like to tell you is, "If you feel you are screwed up inside, go ahead and see a doctor. They are amazing folks you know. Don't be lazy or stuff, just go."

Its another rule of mine which I often break. Two days back I was like, "Ohk I am fine, I am fine". But today I mustered up myself and finally went to my doc. And the meeting was really, really relaxing. Seriously as I said, doctors are amazing folk, they take your worry away.

So after the doctor has done the diagnosis and given the prescription and assured me I will be fine in a few days, he is like:

"What's your age?" asked the wise doc with a curious glare in his eyes.
"Uhm, 21" said I, rather casually.
"Hmmm its nothing to worry about. Though, you know, your body should kinda work till at least next 9 years. Problems should be arising after 30, not before that. But anyway, you will be fine."

I kinda feel a bit weird as I exit his door and kinda relieved that the issue isn't as big I had thought but somehow I feel it is. Because then I remember that old pundit that has told my mom that I will get a lot in my life, riches, success etc etc and some other things which he was true about, but kinda I will be down at 30. Yes, bloody 30. Not that I believe in the astrology shit, but still 30 is way too early to go down on bed.

And then I remember my dad too, who often says to me that he is worried about my health etc and wants me to live for 100 years and live a very healthy life. (Backstory: I hardly, hardly take care of myself and he kinda knows this fact well). And then I tell him proudly, that "Dad, I don't want a good length in this life. Just a good breadth. That's all."

Although right now, I kinda feel different. So I will just shut up, take my pills and lay down on bed as I hope I get enough length in this screwed up life. Not 100 of course, but perhaps average please? lol ;p


SO, what do you think dear reader (if any ;p)? Do you believe in these rules? Does life's breadth matters more to you than the length?

So guys and gals, here I am back with a bang!


I did this post's Part I here and now I am going to do the Part II. Why the part II now? Why not later or earlier? Because:

1. Obviously I was busy with other crappy stuff and Visa Interview etc.
2. I maintained my losing streak in yet another short story contest which reminds me how much I suck at writing and how much I need to improve. Perhaps this post will help me out more than it helps you :P So if you are here for your daily dose of crap, perhaps this is not for you. Yeah, if you wanna be a writer etc, read on!

Disclaimer: Following is a serious attempt to clean the image of my blog which has apparently dropped to a lewd and satiric level. 

So I ended my Part-1 by covering up the quotes in the first half of the book On Writing By Stephen King. Following are the awesome quotes from the second part. These quotes are much more oriented towards "writing".

"You cannot hope to sweep someone else away by the force of your writing until it has been done to you."
(This phenomenon of actually loving your own work has been rather scarce with me. Whatever I write, after a few days, it begins to stink. It doesn't kinda sweeps me, so I guess I have a lot to learn yet).

"You have to read widely, constantly refining (and redefining) your own work as you do so."
(Every time I read a new book, I can feel my overview and knowledge towards writing growing.)

"If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that."

"Waiting rooms were made for books - of course!"
(I remember those 10 minute breaks between my lectures at college in which I tried to scoop some pages from a book. And when a teacher went missing for an entire lecture, I used to be like, "Wow. Entire 1 hour? Where's the empty bench in the play ground? Must get my ass there and read the novel.)

"The more you read, the less apt you are to make a fool of yourself with your pen or word processor."
(Frankly speaking, I have read nothing in my life when I see the number of classics that exist out there...must reach for them...someday...)

"And if you do your job, your characters will come to life and start doing stuff on their own. I know that sounds a little creepy if you haven't actually experienced it, but it's terrific fun when it happens. And it will solve a lot of your problems, believe me."
(I had heard this clichéd point almost endlessly from every author/writer giving advice to newbies. Since two years I thought this to be load of crap. How the hell can characters be real? They are bloody fictitious. But a week back, I felt this. I really, really felt this phenomenon. One of my character did stuff on his own. On his own, baby. And since then I believe it. You won't believe it till it happens to YOU, so watch out.)

"You can't please all the readers all of the time; you can't please even some of the readers all of the time, but you really ought to try to please some of the readers some of the time. I think William Shakespeare said that."

"Writing is not life, but I think that sometimes it can be a way back to life."

"The scariest moment is always just before you start. After that, things can only get better."
(Hell yeah.)

"Writing isn't about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it's about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well."

So basically that's about it. Writing down these quotes made me go through the book once again and I ended up reading some beautiful para's. In fact I wont be wrong if I say that every goddamn line in this book is a quotation worth quoting.

I am glad if I helped you in your writing career and sorry if I bored you to the core (which I am sure I did). But it's okay, you chose it. You brought this ordeal upon your poor soul yourself. You clicked the goddamn link.

There is worry. There is anxiety. There is fear.

And all sorts of related mixed emotions brew inside my mind as the final day approaches near. The day that will very much decide the outcome of two years hard work. Every passing second is going too slow. Too slow that I can feel it melting and vanishing before my senses.

And yet, sometimes, some minutes are just too fast. They click away ahead and I am left behind, closer to the end. The end which I hope will turn out to be good.

Everyone tells you, "Hey! Stay calm dude, it's really nothing. Just stay calm and relax.". Perhaps they forgot how calm they were when they went through this. Or maybe they have no idea how they serene will be when they will be standing in my shoes. When I will get past this thing, I will never give any of my friend this superficial advice of being calm. I will ask them to just go through it and be yourself. It's like if you are in a dark tunnel, you keep walking. You don't act calm etc. You have to walk and bear the darkness of the path.

A another great advice which one of my friends gave it was, "Keep yourself busy and you will never realize that the moment has come!"

I am really trying to do that. And gosh! It helps. Watch movies, seasons and write boring blog posts :) And Ta-Da, few hours click away. But as soon as the realization comes back, as soon as the senses perceive that lesser time is remaining, the fear strikes. The strike is sudden and cold. Cold like a silver knife penetrating your thick skin, inch by inch, on a lonely moonless night.

But whenever I am worried or tensed or anything of that sort, I try an old formula which usually works in most of the cases. You can try it on yourself but you got to be serious about it, if you want it to work well. It works for me, it's my mantra...Take a few seconds as you answer each question in your mind with eyes closed.

"Whenever in doubt or worry, ask yourself the following questions and you will find all your problems melting away.


Who are you? 
What is it that you are so afraid of? 
Does it even exist? Or is it all virtual, weaved by your own mind? 
Who are your enemies? 
Are they your enemies in the true sense? Or is it you who have tagged them as enemies? Are they not those great mountains or hurdles for which you prepared for so long? 


If you think deeply about the thing that scares or worries you the most and if you think from a tangential point of view, you will soon discover that, that thing doesn't even exist. It's just another creation of your own mind. It's YOUR mind that creates those monsters and then gives them wings. 


You are not weak. They are."

Hmm, re-reading this gives me a bit of relief and confidence. Confidence, yes that's the most important thing. So I guess I will go now and pack my bags n stuff. Oh yeah and all this while, I was talking about my Visa Interview which is scheduled on this Tuesday and I am leaving tomorrow for the city. If everything goes well, there mite be an elated post later down this week. If not, there will be a bit of silence. You will have to assume yourself then.

Signing off, hoping to get some good wishes from readers :)

Update on my life

 Ah, a post after a long time. I don't know how exactly it happened but the "free time" in my summer holidays wasn't abused well. Thanks to my laziness. And yeah there were a couple of things going around lately which kept me busy.


Booked my Visa Interview (VI) date for US and booked a flight as well. If everything goes well on the VI (End of June), I will be happily flying in Aug'10. Flying to a place where dreams are supposed to come true. A big illusion it is, I know. But sometimes having an illusion in your life is what keeps you motivated and encouraged.

After all what is real?

You just brand everything YOU think as real and unreal. You tag everything you perceive as true or false. You decide things as right or wrong on your own. Who are you to know that anyway?

Bah anyway too much of personal update. Sorry if you were least interested in that. I get myself to the topic of today's post now. It's about my rekindled love for writing. Although it was being rekindled every day in the past week when I was indulged in reading this particular book I am going to talk about today.

I just finished reading "On Writing" by Stephen King! Yow! Pow!

And oh my, what a book. What an author.

I was longing to read this book since long(it is one of those rarest non-fiction books I have ever read in my life, I hate non-fiction usually) But this is a book that's like immensely helpful for my fiction career. Besides everywhere on the Internet I had heard every pro n noob say about this book, "If you haven't read this yet, you MUST!"

And I truly agree on that. If you are reading this blog post and really want to be a writer, go ahead and read this piece. You can thank me later on. :)

Now Stephen King here, in this amazing book on writing, has included a group of flashbacks of his life in the first half. Those flashbacks sort of serve as the foundation to his writing career. And in the second half, he is giving pure tips on every aspect of writing. From theme to language, from character to plot, from first draft to revisions, it's all there.

Get it, if you can. Now.

While I read the book, I marked every now and then a few lines that I really liked. I am going to quote them here for two purposes.

1. So that they stay here forever and I can come back to this post to get some motivation.
2. So that YOU as a writer understand the awesomeness of this very book.

Now following are a list of quotes all written and copyrighted by Mr. Stephen King. I am reproducing them here for purely non-commercial purposes. They are here just for pleasure. After all, pleasure is what I am after.

And what is life without pleasure? Nothing.

K, here they go:-

The Quotes

"Four stories. A quarter apiece. That was the first buck I made in this business." 
(King's first stories bought by his mom when he was quite young, around six or seven years old I guess. And yeah today he is frikking rich)

"One thing I've noticed is that when you've had a little success, magazines are a lot less apt to use that phrase, 'Not for us.'"
(When he rewrote and resubmitted a short story after ten years of its initial rejection date to the same magazine. This time his profile was backed by a couple of bestsellers.)

"I think I was forty before I realized that almost every writer of fiction and poetry who has ever published a line has been accused by someone of wasting his or her God-given talent. If you write (or paint or dance or sculpt or sing, I suppose), someone will try to make you feel lousy about it, that's all."

"And whenever I see a first novel dedicated to a wife (or a husband), I smile and think, There's someone who knows. Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference."
(Ah, I wish I get a wife who loves to read and write.)

"Creative people probably do run a greater risk of alcoholism and addiction than those in some other jobs, but so what? We all look pretty much the same when we're puking in the gutter."
(King fought back his addiction for alcohol after he realized its worth)

"Life isn't a support-system for art. It's the other way round."

"Grammar is not just a pain in the ass; it's the pole you grab to get your thoughts up on their feet and walking. Besides, all those simple sentences worked for Hemingway, didn't they? Even when he was drunk on his ass, he was a fucking genius."
(Ernest Hemingway a drunkard? Oh my. Suddenly I have some respect for alcohol.)

"The adverb is not your friend."


Okay, that covers around half of the book. I am tired and so I will do the remaining in Part 2 of this post. And yeah, the coming ones in the next post are most valuable for you if you are an aspiring writer.


"Let the artist inside you scream and breathe fire. Because that fire will keep the rest of the world burning, forever." -Death Knight ;)

Till then, good luck and keep writing.

I see dead people.

People who no more laugh or no more exist. All that can be considered fairly lively on them, is a dead face lumped on their slouched body, tired and exhausted of the mental burden they have been carrying since the past few days or even years. The burden of college exams. The burden of Grades and GPA's and Better futures and what not.


The terrors of A's and D's.
The grimace of those B's and C's.
The regret of those E's and F's.

Yes, all that looms around.

I see exams around me.

Hmm, so hey fellas, how's summer?

I know it's pretty hot. Really hot. But well, doesn't keep us from writing, does it? Although I am not writing much new today. It's just that there is a certain "unsent letter" that I am sharing with you which is a sort of fiction piece I submitted to a website long back.

I had it submitted around 5-6 months, but till now heard nothing from the publisher, so I am considering that it has been rejected or ignored (lol). Although I am not very sure why, because I thought it had everything what they were looking for. But anyway, here it is, for you, for free! :)

The contest was basically to submit an "unsent letter" which is by definition a letter which you write to someone but then you don't send it due to many reasons. You may be too shy to send it or something like that. Basically, it becomes an Unsent Letter. I wrote this letter from a son to a dad.

Mind you, its a pure work of fiction. No correlations whatsoever with reality, I love my father eternally.


Dear Dad

When I am happy, my eyes are moist. 

No matter how cold or careless I pretend myself to be, emotions do flow. I would often tell myself, that I do not care or am not just that poor emo creature. It may be true that in some aspects and towards some fields, I may be cold and emotionless, but when it comes to some things which I really care about, it's hard to be cold. Things, which I love.

Those things, they can make you cry or laugh. But they do affect you. And that's what most important. Today one of those things has touched me, made me smile, made me cry. It's ironical though, how these two opposite states of emotion can exist in parallel, but they do. Rather, they did. You have seen that a lot in movies and drama. You probably have yourself gone through this as well.

But I, I have felt that today. Not that it's the first time, but yes, it is one of those strongest times.

When I am happy, I am excited. Enthusiasm flows beyond control. Right from the accelerated heartbeat to your trembling hands, it flows. If you try sleeping this state, it's not really possible. Because when you close your eyes, there is no darkness to lull you down to deep slumber.

There is only light.

Following is an excerpt from a forward email I got a few days back. Below this is my view on the same.


We live surrounded by our alternates, what we could have been.


Oh, if I only had that last number right (just one and I'd hit the lotto), accepted that job, finished that course, got there earlier, got there later, said yes, said no, went to London, married Dora, taken that test…


Right now in this Imaginary bar where I drink to forget what I've never done (the bar is actually called "Imaginary") sat a guy by my rigt side and introduced himself:


"I am you, had you taken that test at the soccer team"
He really has my age and looks. The same grimace.
Why is that? Wasn't your life better than mine?
"For a while. I played the major league. Got to the national squad. Major deal. Lived the big life. Until one day..."
"I know, I know..." Said someone sat beside him.
We both stared our interloper. Had our age and looks and not a bit happier. He went on:
"You hesitated. Should I stay in net or charge the attacker? You stayed, got scored on and fell in disgrace. Dropped soccer and became a mediocre advertiser"


"How do you know that?"

Hello Evil World