Following snippets are from the PhD campus visit I recently had in an awesome university:

# I reached the university 10 hours later than my scheduled time due to all kinds of snowstorms which cancelled/delayed possible flights and left me to rely on reluctant bus drivers who at one point actually controlled my fate single-handedly. Hungry, tired and with messed up hair, my series of interviews with various professors began 5 minutes shortly after I reached their campus. I was most interested in the following professor because he was not an engineer but a scientist:

"So Ms. Singhal, you're clearly at a disadvantage here. You missed all the morning sessions where the faculty gave their research overviews, so you've no clue what we do-"

I cut him and told what I knew. And I offered if he's interested in seeing some of my papers that I had brought along.

"Ah I see. So you've done your homework."


# Another professor that I liked went into more of a philosophical questioning.

"So Ms. Singhal your research is interesting. Do you think you can apply these concepts to the real world? How long do you think we may have before these technologies are available for the public welfare?"

I guessed 10 years and she laughed.

"Well, things change rather slowly in the US, Ms. Singhal. 10 years is too optimistic anyway. So, tell me, do you think you can change the world?"

"Yes."


# Once the interviews ended, I was quite happy and sort of imagined that I had bagged it and all. Little did I know then that the competition was incredibly fierce with candidates from Ivy leagues and such brand names that I didn't even feel like telling people that I was from Jaali University. We had a lot of free food and lot of socializing events, campus tours, lab tours etc which I enjoyed but hour by hour in those three days I kept on meeting stronger and stronger candidates. Prospective graduate students were from Georgia Tech, Berkeley, Texas Austin, Stanford, Penn State, MIT, etc and even Princeton for god's sake. And the only reason those guys were interested in this university was because they had lived 20 years in their hometown and now wanted a goddamn change. Secondly this university which we were visiting is supposedly ranked good in my tiny specialization but overall the university is not that much of a tagname as Caltech, Ann Arbor etc.

Once I saw the people, their profiles, and their high IF publications, I turned quite depressed and tried my best to passively convey that this university isn't really as good as the others they have applied to. I tried this hard on the Princeton elf, this smart, hunk of a dude with a royal breeding who was looking down upon everything anyway. I sometimes wonder how god can make people so intelligent and so hot at the same time. And why I ain't blessed with a single quality? I hope he goes to Harvard or something. But why would anyone leave Princeton anyway.

So well, near the final hours of my stay at the cursed campus I was quite upset and began to hate everything. I hated my own incapability, own lame existence. I just had or have no chance. Profs were being nice to everyone apparently and will let us know in 2-3 weeks. I know what they gonna let us know. . .

And then I felt like a lonely, weak hobbit stranded in the dark land of Mordor. And I felt, I felt, Elves may be strong and capable but they don't care about the battle. They are just too good to participate or fight. They have nothing to fight for, no desperation they have in their soul. And most of all, they and all the other creatures of this middle earth lack one thing, with which this poor hobbit is blessed in a surplus quantity. And it is due to that one thing, this hobbit was able to match her shoulders with tall elves for a couple of days on sacred grounds. That one thing which I cherish beyond all, my friends, is courage.

PLEASE PLAY [THIS SONG] IN BACKGROUND AS YOU READ THIS POST TO FEEL THE ESSENCE OF IT. 


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I am writing to secure the proper rights to publish your poem. But first, a note about payment. [...]

I sat glued to my computer screen as a familiar voice poked me from behind,

"Hey, hey...!"

I instinctively minimized the browser window and turned back to find a Chinese friend of mine, smiling as usual. But before I could reply to his "hey", he began,

"Hey, have you see that Indian movie...that...?"

I was like, uh? I wanted to ask him "which?", when he continued,

"That one, the one, with the song, 'gimme some sunshine', yeah, yeah that one, that one!"

He seemed to struggle remembering bits of it, but I got it as soon as he mentioned the song.

"You mean 3 Idiots?" I asked gingerly.

"Yes, yes! That one. So funny, so funny, it was awesome!"

"Oh really? Wow, that makes me proud but wait, was it in English subtitles?"

"No? It was in Chinese subtitles. Too funny, too funny Indian movie!"

I was like, what the heck. Chinese subtitles?

Then he drew the auxiliary that there are probably people out there who know both Indian and Chinese language and went away beaming and appreciating the movie. As the day passed, he often asked me about the actress, the actor and other stuff about the movie. I couldn't help but feel good, cuz it's very rare that good light is shone on my country in this foreign land.

Two days later, he met me at the gym and I had my headphones on, so he asked me,

"Are you listening to that sunshine song? Are you?"

I merely smiled and shook my head, I don't know what he made of it though.

But after a week, today, he did something that convinced me I should blog about this. He came to me, beaming, and said,

"You know what? I watched that movie again last night!"

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I stretch my hand out to feel the cool wind that has, by occasion, drifted into a hot summer's day. And I can see some clouds shaping from the east, about to envelope the Sun and save the sky from it's wrath. And presently, it begins to rain.

Softly, it falls on my hand, trickles down my fingers, and collects in my palm. The hot sand on the ground is now changing to a pleasant mud, emitting that familiar sweet odor. It reminds me of the story "There will come soft rains" by Ray Bradbury. But most of all, it reminds me of love.

Love, as I perceive it, is a strange emotion that chances upon select individuals at select occasions. It's hard to see an everlasting love. For at times you may hate the person you loved deeply once. And at times, this spark of love can be renewed from hatred as instantly as dry wood immolates into a flame.

A single doubt, a false hope, longing for a glimpse, can sometimes rend your heart to such a state - about a thousand minuscule fragments - that you're ready to do anything to get what you want. Even if that's a whisper that you wish to hear from your loved one, but you want it so much, at times. It reminds of a saying a friend of mine often repeats, "That no matter how careless or busy you're about your love, but when that loved one drops a single tear, you're ready to fight the entire world. And that's love."

--
P.S. Perhaps this post is a direct effect of reading Wuthering Heights. A story of passion & obsession where the girl, Catherine, even says at one point, "I am Heathcliff." (Heathcliff being her lover.)

"So bad scores. Why couldn't all of you even do simple trigonometric problems?" the teacher yelled at the students and then paused, as if waiting for an answer.

Note: For putting out a post for the sake of maintaining once a week posting rule of mine, I am putting another one of those unpublished drafts lying junk in my drafts folder. It's almost a month old. Reading it again makes me smile.


(Due to a busy Grad life, my blog posts might not be as long as they were in the past. That's another thing that I have time to party and dance whole night.)

So this Village girl takes another step and experiences the Night life of US and immediately falls in love with it. Last night around 10:30 P.M. with a group of 9 ppl (4 guys n 5 gals) I went to the most happening place of the town...

It was a Friday night. The street was full of intoxicating smell of Alcohol and it was littered with young students with loose senses. There were blue and red lights of the pubs and bars scattered all around. Everyone was walking around you in the most sexiest clothes chosen from the most modernistic wardrobes. There were shrieks of laughter in between. Hordes of young boys and girls were disappearing into their respective bars now and then.

I wanted to stay on the street for a while but since many of my group were inclined to drink, we too ushered into a bar. Inside, the atmosphere was same but more concentrated. Concentrated in the odor and density of people. While the rest of the group ordered their drinks, I played two games of pool with two sober people from the group. Oh, I loved pool! It was my first time, and I actually was able to make some shots. Of course nowhere near the people I was playing with.

Once they were all done and high, we planned to a hit another pub which was famous for it's dance floor. We exited and moved on the next one. The crowd was a little more crazy here. There were a few american couples on the dance floor who were doing 'stuff' other than dancing. People were dancing everywhere they could, on tables, couches, poles and occasionally on the floor. I danced my way till 2 AM after which I was exhausted and so were others. Some of our group who still had the extra energy to dance, danced outside the bar in the parking on hindi/punjabi songs sung by themselves ;)

Work hard for 5 days and loose yourself on the Friday night. It's only fair.

Following is a collection of my observations of the new things and people around me.

--> Crowd is really hot, hot, hot, hot AND hot here. You can call it TASHAN. Like imba, you know? And not just the girls, the guys are hot too ;) I kinda *love* the summers.

--> People in my town have some weird problem of jogging whole day. No matter what's the time. Early morning or late night or mid-afternoon with a scorching sun on top or evening or any time of day, you always find people jogging around. Whether its the campus or the town sidewalks. There are always hot guys and gals jogging. Nice muscles and abs.

--> If you're new and trying out new stuff at food joints. You will often leave the place cursing, "Damn did I really spend 4 dollars n 35 cents on that shitty thing?" Nevertheless it doesn't stop me from repeating the same mistake the next day albeit over another food item.

--> I swipe my ID card to access the door to my office. Technology? Hell yeah.

--> I just got this email on my official university address. "Hello friends, newcomers, and welcome to another eventful year at X

We, the cabinet of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Ally, Alliance are pleased to inform you that our semester is starting off next Wednesday with our annual Ice Cream Social.  This year it is sponsored by the LGBT Student Services and will begin at 6 PM on the brick outside of the bla bla.  Our first meeting will involve some ice breaking activities, which will take place in a relaxed setting that the Alliance strives to provide for all interaction.

Life's been too busy around homeworks. Luckily got a little time to share some thoughts today.


In my entire life, I feel that I had this special connection with my teachers. There were some of them which I really didn't like but then there were a few which I really loved. And as for the teachers' side if anyone would go and ask them, their opinions too would be mostly at the extremities. For them either I had been the most careless and dumb student or I had been an exceptional student. Very few will rate me as a 'nice/normal/decent' student.

And in my bachelors degree, there was this thing that used to happen with me every semester. I used to get in the eyes of at least two teachers every semester. Of course one held love and the other held hate for me. And my record of living up to this phenomenon had been pretty consistent. When I came here in US and the semester began, I was again a bit worried and was wondering if this thing will continue.

Somehow, it did. And it didn't.

I "think" I came a quite close getting a bad reputation in front of a teacher but it seems like it never happened. It all just happened in my worried mind. Or it has but the teacher is not showing it. But yes, I "did" come close to another teacher that I think I really love and he in return appreciates my interests too.

He is a retired professor and quite old. He welcomed me in his office like perhaps no other teacher had ever done to me. And those precious minutes spent with him in the past few days strengthened my grip on my dreams. I know I am talking very vague here and not giving you people any specifics of "What, where and why?" But really, I can't. It's the nature of this blog to stay away from facts. Facts are too mundane and boring. I always try to stay away from names and facts and stuff.

It's all about fiction ;)

And yes, where was I? The meetings, the wise advice and some pivotal events in the past few days have really shaped my world the way I wanted it to. Talking with him, I felt overwhelmed at times on seeing his supportive and encouraging nature. I was "so" much reminded of the book "Tuesdays With Morrie" which I finished a week ago. The way I look at teaching, I sometimes feel that it is one of the most noble professions existing out there. But of course it doesn't suit everyone. You need to know a lot and then you need the right method of telling to novices whatever you know. I don't know about the present but yes maybe after 10 or 20 years, when I feel that I *know* enough stuff, I would love to be a teacher.

I would love to inspire, ignite and most importantly *help* students who would be nothing but my own younger selfs seeking direction.

A great teacher, someone to talk to, someone-someone who could understand everything that I have always meant to say, is what I was primary looking for after coming to US. And I guess I have found someone. It's really important to find that teacher in your life. It's not that I have a "guru" of my lifetime. But yes, for this current phase of my life, I have one. Yes, in past I had a series of teachers who played their roles in perfection. But there had been times when I had no one to guide me. Times of darkness, they were.

I see light now. Pure, infinite, illuminating, White Light.

For every Frodo needs a Gandalf
For every Harry needs a Dumbledore