On Growing Old

I turned 24 years old today. This obvious marker of my days spent here in this world somehow brings a sense of loss. There's a loss of time, a loss of things that once were and would never be again the same.  It forced me to look at those old pictures of me, when I was young and happy, only an year ago, and that certainly brings a temporary gush of happiness.

I don't know why but this huge, pale cloud has cast a shadow over my faculties since I woke up in the morning. I can't seem to find the source of the mist that has darkened my sky. There is this strong sense of being lost, or loosing something that was perhaps within my grasp. Why haven't I achieved those lofty goals that I've always aimed for? Or, why, if I have achieved them albeit partially, I don't feel glad about it? Importantly, why can't I simply cherish what I have?

The above is of course the first reason that has triggered my emotional self and allowed me to deviate from my busy schedule and write a post. And the second is possibly the busy schedule itself. Yes, I think the regularity of my work routine even on my auspicious, 'happy b'day' has a hand in spoiling it somewhat. Of all the days, at least to-day I should do what I scarcely find time do it, and not read these darn scientific articles! To hell with them.

Ah! I shall read a book. A fine book it shall be. Gifted by my dear sibling, 'Ernest Hemingway on writing', my b'day present. The finest of all.

(Having written this, I feel much better. Writing is certainly a potent remedy for all kinds of sickness.)

Current Book: Ernest Hemingway on Writing
Current Music: 'Bad Romance' by Lady Gaga (Happy b'day Gaga. <3)

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Anonymous said...

May you have many many more birthdays, and may you be able to do what you love, not just on your birthdays, but on every single day!!

पोटली वाला बाबा said...

I will be 24 next month. And I am pretty sure, I will be thinking the same.... happens to me every birthday, The past always seems golden

Srini Chandrasekharan said...

Happy B! You're still on the right side of 25. Once you've crossed 25, it's all downhill from there, I'm afraid :)

Isn't the notion of 'time' constraining? The clock doesn't really serve any useful purpose other than to keep track of change, if you think about it. I'll leave the philosophical and practical implications of this - in terms of how it bears on how you live - to you, should you choose to accept the fundamental 'worthlessness' of time as a marker.

"Don't worry, it's all gonna be alright. Uncertainty can be a guiding light" - U2.

ps: A fine gift from a thoughtful sibling. These are the little things that fuel us to soldier on. Hope you had a lovely day.

Tanya said...

@Thanks Anony!

@potli wala baba, glad to know some1 feels the same.

@srini, you're right, in a sense that time is indeed a worthless marker. I should count my life by something else not by years...Thanks! Yes, it was a lovely day in the end..

Anonymous said...

1) If we don't decide on a goal that is feasible, we will get nowhere close to it.
2) We might have not got good at other things because we did not put in the necessary effort/things didn't turn out well, which is ok.
3) There is existential ennui that attacks everyone in some cycles.
4) Happy Birthday!

Tanya said...

Thanks rangr1! That was very encouraging, am over all that depression now :D

Arun Prakash said...

My belated wishes! :)
Every now and then our reminiscence of the past makes us crestfallen be it opportunities missed, relationships ended... In a way, it aids to let us appraise ourselves.
All our whining should end in a jiffy and should move forward cheerfully. I'm glad you have did it sensibly well.

By the way, I like your blog template. :)

Tanya said...


Thanks for your warm words! Thanks for liking the blog :D

Adi Crazy said...

Happy Birthday, girl! And let me quote a cheesy line from the insanely famous teen-fiction movie - Age is just a number. :)
Loved reading this post, I often think on the same lines. But then watching young-adult movies, laughing on ancient one liners and generally behaving like a teenager puts me back in my place, hee hee.
And yes, reading a good book helps.

GunGun said...

Warm wishes for your birthday ... I'm very new on this blogging platform..and search random blogs for more information.. I've just gone thru with your this recent blog and truly saying that i'm totally fascinated by your way of writing.. This is fresh.
I feel so same like your on this matter of ''Age''..but again..who cares..!! Life is still beautiful. Nothing can fade the glory of it. Feel good.. look good..do good !!
Keep writing gal.. !! Kudos to u !

Tanya said...

Thanks Adi and Gungun. So nice and warm comments after a long time!

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