The Green Book
4 weeks ago
Driving With The Old Lady
I had planned to take a second try at the driving test this Saturday morning so I figured I'll go to bed early on Friday night. But last night I slept late anyway. I just kept horsing around. Who the hell sleeps early on a Friday night?
So I woke up, got ready and all. Reached the driving license office an hour before it closes in the afternoon only to found that the nice receptionist I met last time was now replaced by some thin old lady. There was a bunch of old ladies in there. In fact, they are all really old. I stood in the queue behind this Chinese guy who was grilling with the receptionist. I overheard some snippets of their conversation:
"...an overspeeding ticket.." the receptionist was saying.
"..yeah...I was..." said the Chinese guy and smiled.
"...this...not funny..you got three tickets in one year" Receptionist looked kinda serious.
The Chinese guy still kept smiling like an idiot and I couldn't hear what he said.
"..banned from driving..for 6 months..if found again..heavy punishment.." finished the receptionist and signaled me to come forward.
That sure as hell was a nice morale booster for me. What a nice start before THE test. She did all the formalities and stuff and I was asked to wait before an officer (another old lady) called my name for the test. We strolled out and I tried to be all nice with her.
Anyway, so we went to my car and did the routine tests of the headlights and shit. C'mon they work all right, all right. I just bought this bitch, it sure works all right. I realized that she was the same officer who took my first test. I asked her if she remembered me. She said she wasn't really sure but she did remember the "Ganesha" statuette. Trust me, I'm a very religious type of person. I keep all these gods and goddesses with me all the time. I even sing a prayer before I leave the house. That's what like my mom would want me to be. And I'm totally that kind of person. No kidding. After few seconds she remembered all about my first test and I thought we were good to go.
I drove nicely and didn't try to scare other nice people on the road. Everything was going fine when on this road, this stupid narrow road, some guy came jogging and hopping along from the front. On the goddamn road, for chrissake. You're supposed to jog and hop on the shoulder or pedestrian tracks. Not on the goddamn road. I wanted to yell at him at that moment only. And also why you wanna jog in -15 degree C? I mean, what the ****? But I calmed myself and did not do anything funny. Except that instead of giving him adequate space to hop around, I kinda steered around close to him, kinda scared him a lil' bit. That sure as hell pissed the old lady. I saw her hand, through the corner of my tricky eye, scribbling notes down her pad.
I was like, "C'mon. No kidding officer. It's his fault." I just didn't say it, though. So we horsed around a bit in the icy and busy streets before the test finished. I asked her while going back,
"So what do you think? Did I pass?" I saw down in her notepad and it had lotta scribbling done in'it.
"Let's go back to the parking lot and talk there. The test ain't finished yet, baby," she said.
BABY? I mean, BABY? All right. Whatever. OKAY So what I wanted to bring your attention to was this word "talk". Whenever, whenever, whenever, ANY CHICK in the goddamn universe, be it old or young, tells you, that she wants to "talk", you're screwed. You're so screwed, baby. Look who's talking anyway.
"We need to talk."
This is the end of everything. You can't reach anywhere after that. Relationships or driving tests, applicable for a wide range. Remember that.
So we returned to the parking lot and I was pretty depressed already. She began to explain from her notepad all the silly and technical mistakes that I did. She gave me a sort of 1 minute lecture on pedestrian safety and how could I have avoided screwing that section of the test up. I even wondered if that jogger was their secret employee or something. The notepad in her hand didn't look so pretty. And so I said,
"Hmm yeah. I screwed up bad. Damn..I need to practice more.."
"Yup. If you race like that, an accident is coming. I'm telling you that for sure, girl."
Thank GOD, she didn't say BABY this time. I hate baby. I hate babies, for that matter. I would have called her a baby if she was a bit younger but I did not want to get deported or something so I stayed low and nice.
"Okay, so thank you for your time, I'll try again some day." I am really nice, though.
"No, you can come inside, you got it."
"What? What didja say?"
"Your score is still fine, only a few reductions, but you passed."
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Current Book: "Lord of The Flies" by William Golding
Current Music: "Yaar Anmulle" by Sharry Mann
So I woke up, got ready and all. Reached the driving license office an hour before it closes in the afternoon only to found that the nice receptionist I met last time was now replaced by some thin old lady. There was a bunch of old ladies in there. In fact, they are all really old. I stood in the queue behind this Chinese guy who was grilling with the receptionist. I overheard some snippets of their conversation:
"...an overspeeding ticket.." the receptionist was saying.
"..yeah...I was..." said the Chinese guy and smiled.
"...this...not funny..you got three tickets in one year" Receptionist looked kinda serious.
The Chinese guy still kept smiling like an idiot and I couldn't hear what he said.
"..banned from driving..for 6 months..if found again..heavy punishment.." finished the receptionist and signaled me to come forward.
That sure as hell was a nice morale booster for me. What a nice start before THE test. She did all the formalities and stuff and I was asked to wait before an officer (another old lady) called my name for the test. We strolled out and I tried to be all nice with her.
Anyway, so we went to my car and did the routine tests of the headlights and shit. C'mon they work all right, all right. I just bought this bitch, it sure works all right. I realized that she was the same officer who took my first test. I asked her if she remembered me. She said she wasn't really sure but she did remember the "Ganesha" statuette. Trust me, I'm a very religious type of person. I keep all these gods and goddesses with me all the time. I even sing a prayer before I leave the house. That's what like my mom would want me to be. And I'm totally that kind of person. No kidding. After few seconds she remembered all about my first test and I thought we were good to go.
 |
| People don't believe I'm an animorph. I still don't care. |
I drove nicely and didn't try to scare other nice people on the road. Everything was going fine when on this road, this stupid narrow road, some guy came jogging and hopping along from the front. On the goddamn road, for chrissake. You're supposed to jog and hop on the shoulder or pedestrian tracks. Not on the goddamn road. I wanted to yell at him at that moment only. And also why you wanna jog in -15 degree C? I mean, what the ****? But I calmed myself and did not do anything funny. Except that instead of giving him adequate space to hop around, I kinda steered around close to him, kinda scared him a lil' bit. That sure as hell pissed the old lady. I saw her hand, through the corner of my tricky eye, scribbling notes down her pad.
I was like, "C'mon. No kidding officer. It's his fault." I just didn't say it, though. So we horsed around a bit in the icy and busy streets before the test finished. I asked her while going back,
"So what do you think? Did I pass?" I saw down in her notepad and it had lotta scribbling done in'it.
"Let's go back to the parking lot and talk there. The test ain't finished yet, baby," she said.
BABY? I mean, BABY? All right. Whatever. OKAY So what I wanted to bring your attention to was this word "talk". Whenever, whenever, whenever, ANY CHICK in the goddamn universe, be it old or young, tells you, that she wants to "talk", you're screwed. You're so screwed, baby. Look who's talking anyway.
"We need to talk."
This is the end of everything. You can't reach anywhere after that. Relationships or driving tests, applicable for a wide range. Remember that.
So we returned to the parking lot and I was pretty depressed already. She began to explain from her notepad all the silly and technical mistakes that I did. She gave me a sort of 1 minute lecture on pedestrian safety and how could I have avoided screwing that section of the test up. I even wondered if that jogger was their secret employee or something. The notepad in her hand didn't look so pretty. And so I said,
"Hmm yeah. I screwed up bad. Damn..I need to practice more.."
"Yup. If you race like that, an accident is coming. I'm telling you that for sure, girl."
Thank GOD, she didn't say BABY this time. I hate baby. I hate babies, for that matter. I would have called her a baby if she was a bit younger but I did not want to get deported or something so I stayed low and nice.
"Okay, so thank you for your time, I'll try again some day." I am really nice, though.
"No, you can come inside, you got it."
"What? What didja say?"
"Your score is still fine, only a few reductions, but you passed."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Current Book: "Lord of The Flies" by William Golding
Current Music: "Yaar Anmulle" by Sharry Mann
Unanswered Questions
These days, I always wonder about these questions no matter I'm free or busy. They just haunt my mind every now and then. I wonder why?
Q#1 Why do some people still think that life in US is like this?
Q#2 Why that little hot chick in the gym is usually reviewing her chemistry notes while running on the jogging machine?
Q#3 Why my average of words/day output of fiction writing is so terribly less?
Q#4 Why my Chinese peers are just SO DAMN GOOD at everything (researching/sporting/flirting)?
Q#5 Why I miss Her so much?
Q#6 Where do the ducks go when the lake is frozen? No, really, where do they really go?
Q#7 Why the roads are so goddamn slippery?
Q#8 Why every casual sentence spoken by Holden Caulfield has so much depth in it? How?
Q#9 What does a Chick mean when she emails and say, "We ought to do lunch sometime!"
Q#10 What's the bloody meaning of ought anyway?
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Current Book: "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger (Still)
Current Music: "Dilli..." from No One Killed Jessica
Funny Assistant
The semester break draws to an end and a set of new subjects and tasks loom before me. The break can't be discarded as entirely useless as some work was done in most aspects of this life. Most important thing was the creation of a schedule since the first week of this new year, which, if am able to follow from now on DAILY, I think I'll be good. Really good. But yeah, let's see if I really can or not. Because there will be a lot of things that aren't accounted or expected but then, that's life, isn't it?
In short, by the end of year 2011 there should be major changes in the About the author page of this blog and if not, I would have failed.
Hmmm, I really don't have pretty much to say on this weekendly-post so I will devote this post to my love for my lovely Chinese Undergrad Assistant.
Disclaimer: As I might have previously mentioned, the guy is really nice, adorable and definitely more intelligent/smarter than I am (all that GPA crap, you know) but has some funny habits which do crack me up once a while in all this dark and serious research that I have chosen to pursue.
# One day, on a sunny morning, out of the blue or maybe tired of cleaning, our assistant asks us, "Is there any machine that can automatically clean cube moulds?" We answered, "If there was such a contraption, people would have really opted for civil engineering not computer engineering in these dark times. We, I mean you, got to get your hands dirty, bro."
# "Ah, my back hurts. Work is killing me," We said one day in a casual tone (its our pet dialogue in this youth phase). He says, "You should get some physical exercise perhaps." "O REALLY? WHY DINT ANY1 TELL ME THIS SECRET OF LIFE BEFORE?"
# We are looking around the lab one afternoon because we got to start mixing concrete and we can't find him anywhere. We check all closets, even under the experimentation tables but he's not there. He was supposed to be waiting there for us after preparing the raw materials. Suddenly, our phone breaks the silence of the lab and we flip it to read a SMS (Which BTW COSTS US A LOT EVERY MONTH) sent by our lovely assistant, "Material gets ready. I come to the bathrooms. Be right back soon."
# And some days he's too sweet because we have to lift and transfer 2 huge barrels each of 250 kg of cement to the lab and he kindly understands that we can't do it so he brings an army of Chinese undergrads who get the entire job done while I was away in a seminar. When I asked him why did he bring Xufushu in lab, he might get hurt and liability would come on us, to that he replied, "Xufushu is a very strong man," and we both looked in awe at Xufushu.
# Once he sends us a cute message reminding that our last bus is within 5 minutes from now due to the changed schedule of bus rides. We immediately thanked to God, prayed nice economy for China and ran for the bus.
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Current Book: "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger
Current Music: They See (Desi) Revolution by DNOAX
HNY HNY
HNY HNY.
I planned to go straight to bed at 10:00 P.M. that night. No stupid sitting till midnight for the new year and all. And then wake on the first day of the year at 7:00 A.M. and STUDY. Or WRITE. Basically try to initiate the new year by pursuing something noble like Science OR Art.
But then, I soon realized, "Who I am kidding?" I know who I am. LoL. Sleeping early on New Year's Eve and waking the next day (or any day for that matter) at 7?
MY ASS.
So basically I did nothing shitty of this kind and spent this transition pretty normally. 2010 was a great year for me, in fact pivotal in my life, career, etc, etc. I won't bore you with that shit, you know pretty much what happened in 2010 if you wasted your time reading here, so I'll skip that.
And here's a list of things I actually DID on the first day of January (I don't know if it's a good thing if I will be repeating them throughout the year. You judge.)
- Watched TV at night and learnt how people are crazy at NY Times Square on New Year. Backstreet Boys and Avril looked kinda hot though.
- Licked Ice Cream after 6 months? lol.
- Slept for 10 hours.
- Did NOT go to Office/Lab (Hell yeah, bitch).
- Learned how to drive and scared other nice people on the road and backseat as well.
- Attended an online video conference (O RLY? About WHAT?) with Darling (to be wife?)
- TRIED to read an English Grammar book and failed.
- Ate an Octopus in lunch.
Happy New Year, Honey. (HNY HNY)
P.S: RESOLUTIONS --->
1. Get Laid.
(Resolutions never really come to life, so THAT's OKAY)
How did ya spend yours, dear invisible reader? Any resolutions you might like to share?
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Current Book: "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger
Current Music: "Desert Rain" by Edward Maya
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Current Book: "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger
Current Music: "Desert Rain" by Edward Maya
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- My little body is aweary of this great world. An Indian PhD student horsing around in Europe.
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