I don't feel like doing anything

I want to go back to India, lie in ma’s lap, curl up inside the comforter and watch TV with half open dreamy eyes all day. I want to eat mithai dammit. It’s one of those times when I just don’t wanna do anything. Anything means no bloody studying or anything productive. Guh, I hate this. I want to scream out the F word so bad that everyone who’s in the vicinity should reduce to dust and all those great people who did great things should vanish from the history books and especially Wikipedia, and then I wouldn’t have to work so hard to beat them. I do not want to read this crappy paper (paper is a casual word for a scientific research article). I want to go home and eat that huge cake lying in my fridge (my roommate had a birthday recently). My stomach is squirming. I’m squirming. Somebody, just please hit me. Hit me, hit me, hit me. Hit me so hard that I go unconscious and I go to sleep for a while and when I wake up, lots of days and deadlines should have already passed. And on top of all this workload and tension, I just came to know about a famous blogger who recently sold her book to the nation’s topmost publishing house. I saw her struggling since 3 years and now she finally got what she deserved. I’m happy for her but not so much for myself. I feel like slitting my own throat with a darn nail cutter. Look at me. I’vent got shit done, haven’t even written something worth publishing. What I had written, is under review since 3 months, and has been rejected from everywhere  else anyway. I haven’t read a single goddamn book in the past 4 months. Why? Been too busy earning a Master of Science. Hell yeah, Master of Shit. Look at yourself in the mirror. Just take a look. You’re nothing. And you will be nothing. And nobody cares about you, you back in the mirror, pile of junk. Nobody's gonna read your 150 page Masters' thesis. Never, ever. I wish I was that little 1 year old baby like the baby girl of my friend doing a PhD. The baby girl gets all the attention from her PhD parents all the frikking time. She doesn’t have any reports or papers to submit. Hell, I wanna be a baby. I don’t know where this post is going, I don’t know where I’m going, prolly you’re not reading this anymore. If you’re, well, screw you. Why are you so happy and glum, reading shitty blogs on the internets and not have any work to do? I so much hate you for your idleness. Jealousy, yes, bitch. I wish I could read some shit around. I wish I could see some America in the last two weeks before I leave it for forever. But no, I’ve to kill myself first. And before that, in this week, I’ve got to submit two papers to Prof. X, take two final exams from the hardest courses outside my department which were not required but I took them just to add some stress in my life.





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Current Book: "The Best of O' Henry" Selected Short stories by O' Henry
Current Music: "Hum Kis Gali Jaa Rahe Hain" by Shaan
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6 comments:

VPZ said...

Lol.... That was one entertaining post... I'm not sadistic in any way.. but at the end where you say "if you're still reading this, well screw you".... that's like a slap in the face... lmaoo..I know what it's like with the whole Master's BS syndrome... but you get your reward after all that time you spend busting your butt all semester... so don't sweat you gonna do well... cheers!!

RAHUL MIGLANI said...

again all the best !

Shreya said...

Ok...BREATHE.
Drink a glass of cold water.
Break down and cry some.
More water.
Breathe again.
You hate me for reading this, and worse for commenting. But you have no idea how many of us go through that crisis. There's nothing much to do but breathe, let the panic pass over, and then think clearly and plan.

Your torture's about to get over. And then you're free. Plan.

Tanya said...

Thanks VPZ and Rahul.

Thanks so much shreya, thanks for saying all those wonderful words there in that comment box..

Mr. Dream Teamo said...

Oye Hoye!!! yeh kya hoga gaya!!! Inna sara torture?? :P :P
Anyways, I wish you luck and cheerful moments ahead in future!!
- All the best!!!
-Mr Dream Teamo

Arkantos said...

LOL-ness. You made me feel happy with that post. Glad that I'm not doing a PhD :P

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