Future in Uncertainty

"These are Dark times, that is no denying..." HP7, JKR

As I gear up towards my graduation in the next semester, uncertainty about my future is growing at an exponential rate. Perhaps that's because of my mental disease in which I want to see everything to be planned in a clear and set pattern. If something's not logical and rational, my mind fails to decipher it. And the worst part is, all this world, all this life is inherently illogical, irrational, and unpredictable no matter how many millions of research dollars we spend in modeling the behavior of materials and men. We still get good MS and PhD thesis out of these studies though but I can't say how closer do we get to really understanding everything we want to.

So yeah, I'm not sure what it will be like after my Masters. I remember the quote from The PHD movie, "Life's tough and then you graduate."

I'm thinking probably I might go for a PhD, although often do the toils of other crazy PhD students discourage me, and make me feel that I am too dumb to pursue more of grad. school. But then, even if I do end up encouraging myself to pursue a PhD, I need to find someone to fund me (Of course I don't want to continue with Prof. X, no matter how much he would love to exploit me more) I kinda want to move on.

Move on, yes, I think that's where the whole problem is. I can't stick to a place long enough. It just bores me, tires me. The people around me, I can't stand them any longer, more importantly, they can't stand me any longer. Probably that's the reason why my past is so faint and I've hardly any old contact who I'm in touch with (except a very, occasional few people).

I just can't drag the past with me. I'm too much occupied with the present. But it's the future that I am most worried about.
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Current Book: "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time" by Mark Haddon (Halfway through!) 
Current Music: Too busy to listen any music

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4 comments:

Kirklops said...

"I am too dumb to pursue more of grad. school"... Well, in a way one has to be dumb to decide to take on an underpaid research life that a phd entails. So you would fit right in :P

On a serious note, regarding a place boring you after a while, that's not a problem; you are not alone.
Good luck with your masters thesis.

Tanya said...

Yeah true, it is kindof dumb to be so underpaid! But well I really can't stand those mundane jobs which I'm eligible for right now. Research at least looks interesting!

Neeraj Kumar said...

Life has its ways of getting boredom out of it,so always look around for those moments amid the boring schedules, I am sure you will always find one.

Anyways, a good read. The writing was flowing and smooth.

Tanya said...

Oh yes those fleeting moments that take your breath away...I'm hoping to catch them sometime.

Thanks Neeraj!

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