The Sense of an Ending
3 days ago
Why Indians are Shy?
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It was all in vain. I almost decided not to go and turn back for the eleventh time when I finally found myself standing outside the building where the auditions were supposed to be held. The merciless sun forced me to enter inside. 
There was still a good half hour left before the auditions for a local play would begin but I could already feel my heart constantly trying to burst out of my chest in a rhythmic fashion. After a final visit to the bathroom, I landed in the corridor where presumably other people like me were waiting for their name to be called. (Not exactly other people like me as they were all 'seasoned' art and theater majors and me just a meager engineering major) I was glad that at least, these auditions were held in private in form of 1 on 1 sessions with the director as it saved me from making myself a fool in front of everyone but on the same hand it was bad to not be able to see how others are doing inside that sacred audition room - where your fate was decided in under 5 minutes.
I paced up and down the corridor slightly avoiding the closed group of all the white students, maintaining my own proximity and wondering if I even looked good, in the first place. Shyness dripped like hot sweat from my soul, it could have flooded the floor if it were as real a thing as I imagine it to be inside us Indians among Goray people. Acting would be a secondary thing but first am I even presentable on stage, among those well figured and chisel faced white theater students? What must they be thinking, what's a brownie Asian doing in here? There's still time, perhaps I can turn back, shove the cellphone up my ear and leave the corridor in pretension of attending some important call. Through the corridor, out the door, into the free and lovely sun, away from the fear of auditions and the nervousness that they brought, I wanted to hide.
My name was called and I went in to feel slightly amused at how pleasantly the director shook hands with me, and made the entire atmosphere so comfortable as if I were his holy guest.
"So which year are you?" His eyes quickly scanned the sign up form I handed him immediately upon entering, but before I could answer he had managed to decipher my scribbling, "Oh I see, a graduate student! Engineering, hmm, interesting."
I only nodded and smiled at this welcome reception, and tried to keep my answers as courteous as possible, nearly failing to hide my nervousness.
"So you were selected at the Shakespeare thingsha kshj Shakespeare thing, nice, yeah I heard about it," he continued to make comments and general questions as he read through the form when ultimately, "Allright. I'll have you read this text for me. This is from the short story _ by _, have you read it before?"
There was still a good half hour left before the auditions for a local play would begin but I could already feel my heart constantly trying to burst out of my chest in a rhythmic fashion. After a final visit to the bathroom, I landed in the corridor where presumably other people like me were waiting for their name to be called. (Not exactly other people like me as they were all 'seasoned' art and theater majors and me just a meager engineering major) I was glad that at least, these auditions were held in private in form of 1 on 1 sessions with the director as it saved me from making myself a fool in front of everyone but on the same hand it was bad to not be able to see how others are doing inside that sacred audition room - where your fate was decided in under 5 minutes.
I paced up and down the corridor slightly avoiding the closed group of all the white students, maintaining my own proximity and wondering if I even looked good, in the first place. Shyness dripped like hot sweat from my soul, it could have flooded the floor if it were as real a thing as I imagine it to be inside us Indians among Goray people. Acting would be a secondary thing but first am I even presentable on stage, among those well figured and chisel faced white theater students? What must they be thinking, what's a brownie Asian doing in here? There's still time, perhaps I can turn back, shove the cellphone up my ear and leave the corridor in pretension of attending some important call. Through the corridor, out the door, into the free and lovely sun, away from the fear of auditions and the nervousness that they brought, I wanted to hide.
My name was called and I went in to feel slightly amused at how pleasantly the director shook hands with me, and made the entire atmosphere so comfortable as if I were his holy guest.
"So which year are you?" His eyes quickly scanned the sign up form I handed him immediately upon entering, but before I could answer he had managed to decipher my scribbling, "Oh I see, a graduate student! Engineering, hmm, interesting."
I only nodded and smiled at this welcome reception, and tried to keep my answers as courteous as possible, nearly failing to hide my nervousness.
"So you were selected at the Shakespeare thingsha kshj Shakespeare thing, nice, yeah I heard about it," he continued to make comments and general questions as he read through the form when ultimately, "Allright. I'll have you read this text for me. This is from the short story _ by _, have you read it before?"
"Yes, yes." I nodded in fresh enthusiasm as I had done my homework, and after two silent readings, I read out loud the given three para's, making sure to stress on the clauses and phrases I considered important. Though I screwed up badly the last clause at the end.
The director replied in a broad smile and said those words (which could be generic and perhaps were being said to every other actor that tried but nevertheless they made me write this post)
"That was lovely. Great, lovely."
And when I thanked him for this, he added, "I will decide the cast by tomorrow but if not for this particular production, I highly encourage you to attend more auditions that are coming up this semester. Would you like me to add your email to the emailing list about those?"
"Yes, please, that would be great. I came to know about this by a lucky accident when I glanced at a clipping in a newspaper that was lying at somebody's else desk yesterday. I'm so glad that I got this opportunity."
"Wonderful! I'm not sure if you can take theater classes while being an engineering graduate but I'd definitely recommend you to get involved with us, the theater department, I'm sure we'll have lot of opportunities for you in coming future," he finished and allowed me to leave out of the room, in sort of a trance, through the corridor, out the heavy door and into the smiling sun, and I didn't know why but all the way back I couldn't stop asking myself how beautiful everyone and everything was.
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To try, try, try and not feel shy.
And those people who are winning in everything they pursue and getting acceptances where ever they submit themselves or their work, either they are limiting themselves to a too narrow a field or they are the ones who have chosen to play level "easy" in the setup menu of this game of life.
So, are you shy? Or did you try?
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Current Book: "The Call of Cthullu and Other Weird Stories" by H.P. Lovecraft
Current Music: Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing in Rainbows
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20 comments:
we are shy because we're subject to strong parental approval and disapproval right from begining. and kudos for you to have the courage to try and take failure as another milestone. being shy may not be a bad thing-it makes u try harder
The first difficult step! Before it everything seems impossible. After that things are more realistic, some times difficult, sometimes easy, sometimes fun .. congrats.
@confusedyuppie, Sunil
Thanks a TON for the encouraging words. They really make me smile.
Btw, to all,
Note: I got an email just now and I am not selected for the cast but director has encouraged me to try more auditions. And you all know what Imma gonna do.
i cant help but agree with you...nothing beats the strength coming from trying to attain what people thought (or rather, even you thought) you couldn't :)
best of luck!!!
Love in the times of samsung galaxy tab
check this out and do vote for it (promote it on indiblogger) if you like it...
cheers!
^^Thanks pri...!
That was inspiring.
^^Harish, Wow now that's flattering ":D
That was great! I can relate to every word. But I don't think being shy is typically Indian - it must be harder to be all confident in a completely different country I guess!
^^Priya,
Awesome, somebody could actually relate to what I wrote - omg! Thanks :D This post got extraordinary comments, donno why :|
Yeah, I agree, shyness has nothing to do with Indians, I just found that title to be traffic luring, LoL. (Although Indian galz are shy on a global scale ;p)
Well, I wouldn't call myself adventurous enough to try everything that is presented to me. But I at least make it a point to not give myself a chance to regret later for being shy. But you are right, shyness is something a little too inherent in Indians, perhaps due to the society we grew up in.
^^niranjn
Yes, I hate to have that feeling of regret just cause I missed something out of fear. Can't live with that...
Once you fail you can always trust Robert the Bruce's spider to egg you on. But, taking the first step is always the hardest. Kudos to you.
I felt the flow of ur writing. Your writing has the tremendous effect that leaves one feeling good after reading. Don't worry you will surely get the success that you want.
^^Kirklops and Neeraj,
Love your comments.
Awesome! I'm really happy for you. Don't let anything stop you from what you want to do! After reading your post, I would also love to audition for theater but this hectic workload of MS may not let me do so :(. Sometimes, I wish I should've decided to go for a PhD...sigh!
I've another audition coming up this week, and I know it's hard with all the stupid classes, RA/TA work but . . .we got to try, right!
And don't limit yourself by saying that you opted out from PhD, you can always act whether or not in school or not. And in fact big cities have lots of production companies which will even pay you (while school plays might not)
"If you really want to fly, you'll fly. You don't need an acceptance from a flight school." [Source: Little Miss Sunshine, a recent movie]
So glad you auditioned.. This is a great start!! :)
I feel the same way for something new I want to do, and literally have to push myself through the door to overcome my inhibitions!!
^^There's a lot of door pushing going on lately in my life, let's see where I end up...
finally.. a blog which makes sense written by someone who writes well.. jolly good show!
^^That's a rare comment, and an awesome one.
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